kaminski, my seventh-grade science teacher. who's laughing now? [ laughter ] such an ass. mr. -- mr. robbins, my jerk neighbor. i'm gonna burn your lawn. uh, uh, becky. becky, wherever you are, i hope you're in pain. [ laughter ] there's -- there's so many more. there's so many more. but i'll e-mail you guys. i will. [ laughter ] oh, my god. [ sighs ] what do you do when you win the most important award ever in the history of mankind? i don't know. uh, i guess it's -- first thing, sex. uh, just a ton -- a ton of sex. uh, weird stuff, too, not the normal sex. weird, edgy, real dangerous sex. that's for sure. uh, whatever i want, i'm gonna take, and -- and then the rest, i'm just gonna break. [ laughter ] uh, oh, i guess that's my time. uh, thank you so much. the world is my toilet. thank you! thank you! good night! good night! [ cheers and applause ] -- captions by vitac -- www.vitac.com >> january 14, 2013. from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: hello, everybody. welcome to the dai